Day One

It's 0540 Monday 22 September 2003 and we all meet at the North Star, Fareham Road. After the usual exchange of 'intelligent' conversation, common at this time of the morning, the order is given to 'head-em-up and move-em-out'. It became apparent that with some forethought fuel could have been saved had we fitted John Cresdee's Estate to Gary Kent's van. Lee Tappenden could have been towed the distance he kept himself from the rear of his van. It was the wacky races with one minor difference - we didn't know the way. On the M5 / A 38 / A30 junction everyone apart from Darby Watts heads down the A30. Lee rings Mitch and gloats that 'Darbys gone the way'. Ten minutes later we all turn round, head back to the junction, and head after Darbs. Dixie said 'I wouldn't go this way' but what with his track record decided to bury himself in his newspaper. Another minor detour towards Torquay ensures we cram 180 miles into a 150 journey (bargain). When we arrive in Totnes it's Safeway and the order of the day is a BIG BREAKFAST. We didn't know it at the time but it was the best meal of the week. We duly arrived at the Dartmouth Golf and Country Club and the little time remaining to meet our tee times was put to good use. Apart from being unable to find the 10th tee, and the torrential downpour early into the back nine, everyone found the course extremely educational, 'it taught us all a lesson'. The evening meal was 'a la crap'. Succulent slices of lamb accompanied with instant mash (which had a few strands of greens beans on top), dotted with the occasional carrot, beetroot and 'chef's special sauce', and nearly cold, was nobodys idea of a feast. We were all screaming out for roast spuds, peas, cabbage and lashings of gravy. The chef was an expert at ruining perfectly acceptable raw ingredients. It was an early night for most. Oh, the golf. Won by Mick Dickinson with an excellent 36 points; we all thought he was on drugs. Paddy Hyndman managed 18 points on the front nine and another 18 points for the rest of the week.

Day Two

First event of the day was Colin Gordon who, at 4 a.m., managed to confuse the corridor with the toilet. After some soulsearching, in nicks and flipflops, found 'The Duty Manager' so that he could be let back into his room. I had all night to analyse Barry (Thrush) Newell's snoring the conclusion was that it was a clever reproduction of a maiden Wilderbeast being deflowered by a rampant Buffalo in a water hole adjacent to Echo Valley. Every now and then it changed, as if siezed by a moment of blind panic (perhaps his sub conscious coming to terms with his inner self). The golf was memorable for Mick Dickinson in that his tee shot on the first didn't make the Ladies Tee, the wonderful partnership of Terry (Fingers) Trivett and Barry (Thrush) Newell (a match made in heaven according to one liar), Gary Kent trying to gain an unfair advantage distracting his opponents by leaping off the cliff face adjacent to the 10th fairway with a triple somersault (scoring 6.2 on the Richter Scale), and Thrush shouting from the 18th green to a 'gentleman' on the 18th tee that he was a 'BANKER' (or words to that affect). Anyway, that particular incident required Mitch and JK to resolve an obvious misunderstanding with profuse apologies which were given and accepted by all concerned. The winner on Day 2 was Dixie Dickson with a lucky 31 points. Four of our group dine in Dartmouth not wishing to risk a repeat of Monday's culinary delights.

Day Three

Steve Mitchell couldn't maintain a brilliant front 9 (nearly a hole in one on the 3rd) but still scored a credible 33 points. Colin Gordon won with 34 points. The foremat was 'dovetails' which gave a tense tee shot on the 18th.

Day Four

Won by Colin Gordon (again) with an excellent 32 points.

Day Five

The 9 hole course was played for the first time, front 9 off the yellow tees, back 9 off the white. We had nearest the pin on the first which proved a tense shot for most.

Winner for the week was Mitch Mitchell with 119 points, runner up Colin Gordon with 117 points. Special thanks to JK and Mitch for organising the week. We all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

(The 'Dartmouth Golf and Country Club Diet' is not recommended. I noticed the Hotel had an arrangement with the charity 'War on Want' in that they were a beneficiary rather than a benefactor. If it hadn't been for Fosters, Boddingtons and Guinness our diet would have lacked certain essentials.)